I started this morning with a great thirst!

Seriously, I was thirsty. I was chugging water, tea, juice, coconut water and my last Gatorade…. let me back up a bit…..

It’s time once again to play the med change game! Spin the wheel, pick the med combo, and find out if I’m lucky.

The wheel landed on Latuda and lithium! This is where I am so far in the process;

Titration off viibryd, lamictal, and vrylar, has begun. Last night was the first night I took the Latuda. I always research new medication. Not only for possible interactions, which they never tell you about, but also for possible side effects. My personal opinion of last nights side effects is not very positive.

I gave my fiancé strict instructions to watch me. He did. I don’t know what time it was because everything is a blur right now but at some point in the night I became overheated. I knew there was a possibility of this happening. Latuda does not allow you to regulate body temperature. So, I hear my fiancé say you are way too hot. I was soaked and not in a good way. (Sorry, I had to.) Keep in mind I am overly confused at this point as to how to get undressed. Thanks to Latuda my arms and legs would not function as I wanted them to. I felt like a puppet with some insane puppeteer pulling my strings.

We get the clothes off by the grace of God. At some point I remember throwing underwear across the room because they displeased me with their unwillingness to fit. Then the rest is a blur.

I woke up “dressed” in my favorite skull unders and a tank. Somehow my fiancé got me into an outfit of sorts. I checked the temperature in the house. It was a chilly 66 degrees. I have 3 fans going on high and I believe I can say I am not uncomfortable.

At this point in time my head is stuck in a fish bowl. To those of you who have never taken heavy psych meds this may seem like an odd statement. Trust me when I say it feels like your head is in a rounded, dirty, glass, bowl.

Part of this is because of the Latuda. It can cause confusion and changes in vision. The other part is my fault. My glasses are smudged.

Just cleaned my glasses. I’m still in the bowl.

I haven’t started the lithium yet. I’m a bit fearful of that monster.

Now comes the question to myself; Is it worth it?

I give medication a fair enough shake. They all get a week to impress me. Day 1, not impressed.

At this point all I can do is monitor my side effects and try to work through them.

The outcome will hopefully be a more stable mood. It’s a nice thought. It seems so simple that I should be able to control the swings but I can not. My brain, unfortunately, is not wired quite right and my chemistry is not sympathetic to my plight of normalcy.

Another rather unpleasant but non harmful side effect I am experiencing is gas. I am normally a very gaseous person but imagine your farts on steroids. I can deal with this, as I find farts hilarious. I’ll have to check with my fiancé to see if he can get behind, not literarily, my gas.

I can’t even begin the list of things which could go wrong, especially once I start the lithium.

No more nsaids. They can cause liver failure if combined with lithium. Of course no grapefruit juice is allowed, but as a veteran lab rat I already knew that.

I will have to get my lithium levels checked every month for the rest of my, well, however long I take the lithium.

During this process of weaning and adding, my antidepressant may give a quick kiss goodbye to my lithium on its way out, which could in turn send me manic.

I feel like a mad scientist. If we combine this with this then decrease this and add this while this is in full effect then maybe I’ll find peace. Or perhaps I will become Jekyll and Hyde.

Again, is it all worth it?

At this point it’s too early in the game to make that call.

I’m going to remain hopeful and minimally dressed until I decide if the pros outweigh the cons.

I will keep you all posted on my progress.

Anyway you view it, the main goal is to stay out, and very far away from an institution.

They were cool in the 90’s and early 2000’s but now it’s like a prison. You cant smoke or vape anymore due to the government controlling every aspect of our lives now. There is nothing to do in there anymore but sleep, color, or raise hell. I do all 3. The food is worse than school food! Everything is rubbery and fake tasting. In some places I’ve been they even control when you are allowed to shower, and if your mattress has urine on it, don’t talk to the staff. They don’t give af. Instead swap it out on your own and let someone else get the urine surprise. That is my advise anyways.

So, in conclusion, I’m still thirsty, medication is unpredictable, and institutions are bad!

Any questions?